KASHMIRI MARRIAGE

To get married is a three word sentence but to get married in Kashmir is unending procedure which you can say tends to infinity. While some are lucky to get married with their cousins or relatives the rest have to follow extensive search for their son’s bride and daughter’s groom. The matching is done by “Manzumyour” (middle man) who keeps track of all the girls and boys who have attained the age to get married and also the jobs henceforth.

The diary of these people is a treasure to the parents in which they search for the best match for their apple of eye.The diary itself is not sufficient to carry on the searching operations. There are many conditions which a family seeks for the marriage in which caste, creed, colour, job, property, looks, family are important. What about the character? Well that gets sidelined as long “Zach e zaet “ (of being same caste) and money the guy has and the money a girl can provide is matched.

The job policy here gives the guy a tough life and so they attain the age of marriage in late 30s. One can infer it is like marrying at the brim when all the work of gaining job and studying is done. In Kashmir till you don’t see white hair sprouting one can’t marry. It is like planning to enter grave and planning to marry goes side by side.

The girl’s family on the other hand are always under the pressure of getting more and more for their daughters marriage for showing to the people (who are least bothered) that how much they care for their daughter (which they never believe) and to please and full fill the criterion of her daughters soon to be in laws (which will never happen).

After the selection comes “thap ceremony”. 'Thap' literally means to catch somebody and what one catches here is “gold”. The custom is followed by transfer of jewellery from groom to bride’s side.

In the next few days to come the girl's family is under the stress of making most of the arrangements. They have to send 'Wazvan' to the boy's house (which is an exclusive meal consisting of 50- 60 dishes).Till girls family don’t fill big vessels of different varieties of muttons and chicken the in laws to be aren’t satisfied. The 'Wazvan' food is sent to the boy's house where this food is distributed by the boy's family to their close relatives and friends. After that follows the process of engagement and marriage.

The 'nikaah' is to be read by the 'maulvi' (priest) along with the groom’s close relatives. The girl's family now have to send gifts to the boy's house, which is called 'haziri'. Gifts are now needed to be sent along with 'majmas' (big copper thalis) full with sweets, dry fruits, jams, fresh fruits etc. One cannot miss the details now; any error in this process can cause fatal results. The number of 'Majmas' sent can be seven or eleven or even hundred.

The boy's side of the family is then invited to dinner where again the 'Wazvan' food is served which needs to consist of minimum 30-35 dishes. The number of dishes is a mark of respect and honour given to the groom. More kababs and ristas provided more is the respect offered. The bride on the other side is bedecked in all her bridal jewellery adding to budget of marriage. The amount of gold hanging from the bride’s neck determines the care the girl’s parents have for their daughter. Says who? Says the society.

Finally the baraat comes to the bride's house. The baraat called 'Yenevol' marks the ladies in the family sing traditional wedding songs called 'vanvun' which may be added by the speakers to make it obvious that someone is getting married. The groom is showered with coins and almonds.

The amount of the meher is fixed at this time. And finally comes the time when we can say the bride and groom got married. Well you may say it ended but it does not end here then comes the days of phirsaal and many other small occasions and it continues till death.

There are certain questions that come to my mind. Why are we spending so much on customs which we made??? Why is that simple nikaah and marriage is a disgrace and show off marriages a must?? Isn’t zina (forbidden relation) easy than getting married??When Allah created us did these customs came with us??? Is this what our religion says??? Isnt a girl and guy of good character and families better options than people who ask more and more??? Aren’t we burdening our parents and the next generation to come.

These are some unanswerable questions and all we cannot answer them is because we are following the society blindly. We are living for the people and for the society and not for our family, our deen or ourselves. We want to show off. We want to show off to the people who are not concerned. Wouldn’t it burden poor people who can’t afford marriages, wouldn’t it burden orphans, and wouldn’t it burden daughters to their fathers?? Wasn’t it right when daughters got buried alive? The guys too are suffering with so many customs, and till they don’t have job, bank balance they are not given the right to marriage.

This is the reason why today’s generation are pray to haraam relations. They feel it is better than discussing their marriage with their parents. When a child talks of marriage it is a disgrace but isn’t it a disgrace if they indulge in haraam relations???Why is our society delaying and making it a tough task to marry when our deen made it so easy. We are astray now and this is one of the many such reasons we are not heading ahead. May ALLAH give the society a realization that marriages are simple if followed as per deen but it is very tough if followed as per society. To conclude May ALLAH make us among righteous and make us follow the Sunnah. AMEEN.