The diary of these people is a
treasure to the parents in which they search for the best match for their apple
of eye.The diary itself is not sufficient to carry on the searching operations.
There are many conditions which a family seeks for the marriage in which caste,
creed, colour, job, property, looks, family are important. What about the character?
Well that gets sidelined as long “Zach e zaet “ (of being same caste) and money
the guy has and the money a girl can provide is matched.
The job policy here gives the guy
a tough life and so they attain the age of marriage in late 30s. One can infer
it is like marrying at the brim when all the work of gaining job and studying
is done. In Kashmir till you don’t see white hair sprouting one can’t marry. It
is like planning to enter grave and planning to marry goes side by side.
The girl’s family on the other
hand are always under the pressure of getting more and more for their daughters
marriage for showing to the people (who are least bothered) that how much they
care for their daughter (which they never believe) and to please and full fill
the criterion of her daughters soon to be in laws (which will never happen).
After the selection comes “thap
ceremony”. 'Thap' literally means to catch somebody and what one catches
here is “gold”. The custom is followed by transfer of jewellery from groom to
bride’s side.
In the next few days to come the
girl's family is under the stress of making most of the arrangements. They have
to send 'Wazvan' to the boy's house (which is an exclusive meal consisting
of 50- 60 dishes).Till girls family don’t fill big vessels of different
varieties of muttons and chicken the in laws to be aren’t satisfied. The
'Wazvan' food is sent to the boy's house where this food is distributed by the
boy's family to their close relatives and friends. After that follows the
process of engagement and marriage.
The 'nikaah' is to be read by the
'maulvi' (priest) along with the groom’s close relatives. The girl's family now
have to send gifts to the boy's house, which is called 'haziri'. Gifts are now needed
to be sent along with 'majmas' (big copper thalis) full with sweets, dry
fruits, jams, fresh fruits etc. One cannot miss the details now; any error in
this process can cause fatal results. The number of 'Majmas' sent can be seven
or eleven or even hundred.
The boy's side of the family is
then invited to dinner where again the 'Wazvan' food is served which needs to
consist of minimum 30-35 dishes. The number of dishes is a mark of respect and honour
given to the groom. More kababs and ristas provided more is the respect offered.
The bride on the other side is bedecked in all her bridal jewellery adding to budget
of marriage. The amount of gold hanging from the bride’s neck determines the
care the girl’s parents have for their daughter. Says who? Says the society.
Finally the baraat comes to the
bride's house. The baraat called 'Yenevol' marks the ladies in the family sing
traditional wedding songs called 'vanvun' which may be added by the speakers to
make it obvious that someone is getting married. The groom is showered with
coins and almonds.
The amount of the meher is fixed
at this time. And finally comes the time when we can say the bride and groom
got married. Well you may say it ended but it does not end here then comes the
days of phirsaal and many other small occasions and it continues till death.
There are certain questions that
come to my mind. Why are we spending so much on customs which we made??? Why is
that simple nikaah and marriage is a disgrace and show off marriages a must??
Isn’t zina (forbidden relation) easy than getting married??When Allah created
us did these customs came with us??? Is this what our religion says??? Isnt a
girl and guy of good character and families better options than people who ask
more and more??? Aren’t we burdening our parents and the next generation to
come.
These are some unanswerable
questions and all we cannot answer them is because we are following the society
blindly. We are living for the people and for the society and not for our
family, our deen or ourselves. We want to show off. We want to show off to the
people who are not concerned. Wouldn’t it burden poor people who can’t afford marriages,
wouldn’t it burden orphans, and wouldn’t it burden daughters to their fathers??
Wasn’t it right when daughters got buried alive? The guys too are suffering
with so many customs, and till they don’t have job, bank balance they are not
given the right to marriage.
This is the reason why today’s
generation are pray to haraam relations. They feel it is better than discussing
their marriage with their parents. When a child talks of marriage it is a
disgrace but isn’t it a disgrace if they indulge in haraam relations???Why is
our society delaying and making it a tough task to marry when our deen made it
so easy. We are astray now and this is one of the many such reasons we are not
heading ahead. May ALLAH give the society a realization that marriages are
simple if followed as per deen but it is very tough if followed as per society.
To conclude May ALLAH make us among righteous and make us follow the Sunnah. AMEEN.
